peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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