How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
