does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
