is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
