Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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