just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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