Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
