Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
