Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
