I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
