The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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