We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
