what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize