We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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