yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize