I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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