dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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