you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
