I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
