I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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