Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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