I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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