I met the friendliest cop last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
