It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
