My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
