I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
