Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
