how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
