Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
