I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
