i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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