sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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