every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
