she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
