First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
