he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
