Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
