oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
