I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just found a bag of teeth...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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