I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sex in a hospital.. check
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
