Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
