can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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