There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
