Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
