im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
