Yo dont text me then not text me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
