she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
