my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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