just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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