Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
