I'm pants shitting drunk right now
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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