Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
