I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hippo gnu deer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
