they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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