So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
