May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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