why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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