He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
