My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
