I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you made out with another girl for some wings
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
