he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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