Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
