Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just cropdusted the office
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize