is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
