Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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