I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
