Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
